Announcing My New Video on My Homepage!

 

Everywhere women are served up messages that say we’re on the downhill slope of life past 40.

Did you watch my video above to hear why that’s such a LIE?

When we believe that deception we fork over our time, money, and power just to try to feel good enough.

Somewhere deep inside — when you really listen — you’ve lived enough life to know what’s true.
Because that illusive happiness never lasts!

The truth is simple…
Every woman is a channel of divine love. 
It’s remembering that truth and living it that isn’t easy!!!

If you’d like to know — once and for all — how to live in what’s true AND possible, let’s talk.

I’ve just opened 5 spots on my calendar this week for conversations with 5 women who want more.

We’ll begin to discover what’s been secretly sabotaging your fullest joy, greatest wisdom, and deepest connection AND create a custom plan to reunite you with your divine essence that will bring real happiness — and act as a magnet to draw resources and people to you.

All in just 55 minutes. And for $49. That’s one fifth the usual cost of an hour’s work with me.

But I’m only offering this to women who are serious about their joy…and book a time today.

I know every woman alive can live her fullest life!
— no matter her circumstance, relationship, or fears!

I can’t wait to dive in with you, Dear Woman.

marysig

Are you still secretly hiding a dark side on this darkest of days?

Did you think a boogie man hid under your bed when you were 4 years old, Dear Friend?

Every child imagines something terrifying in the dark.

For me it wasn’t the bed though,

it was the basement!

 

As a kid I was told to go fetch my mother’s canned tomatoes.

But I hated to go down in our basement!

I’m not sure what I thought might be hiding in the dark,

But even after I’d flipped the light switch,

I was still a little scared of what might be lurking in the shadows.

 

As I grew into my teens

it was my brain that helped the panic.

Probability and logic got me past the fear.

I’d straighten myself up, stand firm on the top step,

and muster every bit of my courage, reminding myself…

There’s really almost no chance that a serial killer is down there waiting for you!!

You can do this!

 

I’m wondering if that’s the way we humans are.

Afraid of what might be lurking in the darkness.

 

Is that why you keep so crazy busy in these darker days?

Why you make sure the lights stay on and the music keeps playing?

And why this season is so hard for many of us?

 

Stopping to ponder what’s really going on in the dark, deep inside, 

can feel as viscerally terrifying as that boogie man was when we were young.

Our bodies remember the terror and still grip around it.

 

But I’ve found that it’s only digging deep to see what’s real that de-fangs the fear.

Every time.

 

I may not like what I find when I ask questions like…

what old habit is holding me back?

what is crying out for change?

what wants my gentle compassion?

 

But looking straight on clears away the fog.

Then I can see a path forward into the light.

 

You see, fears live in the imagination 

– in what might happen in the future.

It’s the mind that takes us there,

but it’s also in-sight-ful, compassionate, embodied inquiry that finds the truth 

and illuminates the path forward.

 

I hope you’ll let this solstice time be your invitation to go deeper.

Here are my first and second very specific blogs from earlier this month
to help guide you on your solstice deep dive.

 

I’ve been fortunate to have a wise guide over the past ten years

to help me peak under the proverbial bed.

I couldn’t have done this deep work on my own.

 

But with her beside me,

when we lifted the covers together

the little 4-year-old girl that still lives inside me felt safe enough to take a good look,

and the scary monster I feared was nowhere to be found.

 

And that is what I am offering to you today 

Will you let me hold your hand as we bring light to your dark places?

 

Because going it alone is terrifying.

It the reason we start and stop and don’t have much success.

But having a professional ghostbuster by your side make everything possible.

 

What I know to be true in the marrow of my bones 

is that fears that stays hidden will devour the best life you were born to live.

 

So if you’re ready to move into your joy, 

to feel the weight of years of worry lift from your shoulders once and for all,

Let’s talk.  

Click here to reserve a private Discovery Session with me. 

and in 30 minutes we will do ONE vital thing:

 

We will discover what is holding you back in the dark recesses of your worries and doubt,

and then we will create a path forward into the light you have always been.

 

Some people use this session to rekindle optimism, hope or romance.

Others use it to feel the love they’ve secretly longed for, for years.

But everyone leaves feeling lighter and more capable than they ever imagined was possible.

I know because it’s been my path.
And it can be yours, too.

I promise.


2 Keys to Every Transformation and 3 Ways to Make it Happen Over the Next 13 Weeks

suzanne-d-williams-794133-unsplashTransform… really?
Does your cynic scoff as much as mine at that overused word?
Can anything really change that much in just 13-weeks?

Celtic legend says that seeds do.
They rest in the dark for an entire season
Before stirring beneath the soil for their triumphant blossoming.
Imagine having an entire season to rest!

Winter is that season in the natural world.
We’ve been given 13 weeks of percolation
to take us from Winter Solstice to the Spring Equinox in March.
From longest night and shortest day to light harmonizing in time.
And it all begins next Friday evening.

But rest?!? Really?

The only way to let the dark time transform us
is to take matters into our own hands, Dear Ones.

In my last blog I suggested a very practical process
for creating a few precious minutes in this dark time for the next 13-weeks’ intentions.

One season isn’t much time really.
Or is it?
It’s enough for a seed to go from invisible to revealing its stunning beauty.

You see, every seed — and every artist of life,
no matter their medium —
must align with the natural forces that govern substantive transformation.

Creative flow can only happen if it’s held by some sort of structure.

If you know me even a little
You know that I’ve been rebelling against structure for most of my life.
Because it came packaged as rigid and punitive discipline.
Not really joy’s style.

Thankfully, fairly recently I’ve gotten a whole new take on structure…
(I’ll be sharing WAY more about that in the New Year, so stay tuned!)
And my life is flourishing as a result.

What I now know is
that it’s structure that holds the life of transformation I’m loving living!

See if this applies to you…

There are 2 kinds of structure absolutely essential for a seed to blossom
or a human to live a happy and satisfying life of beauty and artistry.

Obviously, the right circumstances or tools must be there
water and sunshine
paintbrush and canvas
pen and paper (or computer!)
inspiration and ideas

But something else is essential or nothing will really happen.

Every delicious creation reveals itself in structured time.
And showing up in time is what allows the creative process to be birthed.

So here is query #2 for your solstice season…
What tools do you need to let your next creative transformation happen?
And what sort of structure will you create to hold you in time

I invite you to use the next 13 weeks to bloom yourself into your next gorgeous revelation.

Dream into something you really want now…
(check out blog #1 for a bit of guidance) 

And then, over the next few weeks,
create a scaleable plan to allow for its inevitable growth.
This is how you make your desire — and your joyous life — real!

This dark time is made for inner exploration.
But that potent opportunity is only available if you make it happen in time.
I’d hate for you to fritter it away consumed by the season’s parties and busyness.
Your own precious life’s potential is too promising to waste.

I leave you with this question…
How will you value your fully-lived life enough right now to create a structure to hold its Springtime blossoming? 

Enjoy the quiet quest, Dear Loves!!!

PS… If you’d like a hand to hold for a season of transformation, here are 3 ways to be transformed in the next 13 weeks. Which one sounds more like you?1. Spend a season of intentionally structured time with me. Drop whatever’s standing in the way of the life you want and claim the joy and fulfillment that’s been waiting for you all along. 

2. Come with me to Haramara January 26-February 2. Because my retreat sold out in October (YIPPEE!), I’ve been given another casita and a dorm space if I want them. Is a Mexican deep dive into awakening the long-denied pleasures of body and soul calling, Sister?

3. AND if your desire is for more, I have one spot available in 2019 for a year’s pleasure exploration with me. Private. In-person, on line, (or both). Uniquely curated. My life’s worth of learnings, just for you. Hmmmm. Imagine!

If you’re not sure which one is you, click here to book a 15 minute convo with me.

What’s waiting for you in this darkness?

andrei-lazarev-719761-unsplash
It’s almost the solstice… the darkest time of the year.

Over the thousands of years before electricity made us forget what darkness gave, most folks weren’t going to twinkling holiday parties in mid-December.

Instead it’s likely they used this darkening time to rest, to take stock.
How was the harvest this year?
What grew well, and what should I do differently next spring year?

So many years later,
no matter how modern and productive we may be,
the season’s darkness is here
to do its work in us.

All those lights make it easy to avoid though.
I’m so busy, busy, busy during the holidays.
Not you, too, Kristin!?

The bah humbugs are bound to take over.
And all these flickering lights and ho ho ho’s just make it more intense.

Years ago I called my brand of late autumn struggle seasonal affective disorder.
And it’s true that sunshine helps.

But I’m discovering that there’s clarity waiting in the dark.

What if we haven’t evolved so far as we think.
What if, like our ancestors,
what we need most right now is time to take the year in?

To look back.
To be quiet.
To listen to our inner knowing.
To decide what needs to shift
so we’re ready for Spring and what wants to bloom.

Since the solstice is this Friday, here’s the question I’m asking now…
Where do I want to be 13 weeks from now?
How do I want to feel when Spring arrives this March?

Lately I’ve begun to ponder and plan my work and life over the 13 weeks of each season.
Instead of the pressure of a New Year’s resolution,
Before each equinox and solstice
I give myself the following powerful inquiry.

I create space for these precious few weeks of dark time to feed me.
Maybe I’ll find a few moments as the morning’s late sun begins to rise,
or I’ll make space just as it’s beginning to go dark outside.

I bring my journal,
light a candle,
And just sit, gazing out the window for a bit.

Then I ask into the darkness…

What change wants to come?
What’s begun that I want to feed?
What needs to drop away so I can live my joy?
What do I most want my life to feel like on the Spring equinox in March?

I wait. . . until the answers find me.

This is the time to make yourself the priority you need to be in order to move with purpose and joy into what’s really your deepest desire for the new year.

What if you gave yourself the gift of quiet darkness over the next few weeks?

Or, if you’d like, I can help.

If you’ve been doubting your light, Dear One,
I want to hold a candle to help light your way.
It’s not my candle though. It’s yours.
Together let’s reignite what’s always been within you.

You, too? A channel for Love

I was a young mother, finally taking a nap after hosting a big New Year’s Eve party the night before. As my head was sinking into the pillow I caught sight, AGAIN, of the dead branches on a ficus tree near the window.

Damn it!
I was going to get rid of that ugly thing!

In all the chaos of my wild life with a 3 and 6 year old
remembering to water the poor tree had been WAY down on my list,
for way too long.

But as I drifted off to sleep
The tree began to speak to me.
       (WAIT… don’t leave yet!)

“I know I’m ugly.
I know you want me out of here.
But I have something I want to tell you.I’m only here to love you.
I’m just a channel for Love.And not just me.
Everything is here to love you.

Every bald of grass, every cloud.
Every rock and plant and breath of air.
It’s all here to love you.

We’re all just love, being what we are, for you.”

OK, I know!
I’m as hard boiled as the next person.
And I’m not one of those people who remembers her dreams.
But this one has never left me.Because if every blade of grass and leaf and cloud
is here to love,
— just by being grass or leaves or even clouds —
then so am I.I must be here to love, too.
To be a channel of Love.
Love expressing through the uniqueness of me.

Only some days I forget!
Some days my channel of love gets all gummed up.
Then every cell in my body feel tight.
I’m full of doubts or overwhelm,
afraid… or worried… or stuck in some old story of my not enough-ness.

But sometimes, somehow, I do remember.

It can happen when I’m out walking in the woods.
Or holding a newborn.
Or dancing.
Or just sitting quietly, taking a breath.
Then that channel of Love that I am somehow gets clearer.

I’m sure you’ve felt it, too, Friend.
There’s a sense of spacious centeredness bubbling up through you.
Or joy you didn’t expect.
Or just a gentle sweet feeling of safety and belonging.

That’s when I can be patient
remembering that my friend is doing the best she can.
Or generous when I’m cut off
knowing that guy’s probably having a really hard day.

On days like that
I know it’s all just Love.
That the grass and leaves and clouds and all of us
Are Love, being Us.

The trick, though, is remembering!

And what stands in the way every time
are all the habits and beliefs we’ve built since childhood to try to keep safe
— or that’s what we think.
(more on that next week)

Clearing Love’s channel
means investigating the muck that’s still there.
It means being curious about what I still do
to try to compensate for having not gotten the love I needed way back when.
This is the work of evolving.
It’s how we awaken to remembering what is really true!

This is the awakening so many of us are doing these days.
It’s what keeps me hopeful in the face of such much tragedy and darkness.

And it’s what I do with my clients every day,
whether we’re talking about relationships or sex or whatever else.
The work is just remembering the Love we really are
And walking back home together.
.

So… do you want to know the end of the story?
What happened after my dream with the ficus tree?

Well…
5 days later Love did its thing
And we conceived our third child.

Forever sharing Love,

PS…If you’re curious about exploring remembering the Love that you are more often, I invite you to come schedule a chat. My treat. Let’s walk back home together.

The Both/And Life

I’m waking this morning holding so much.

My January retreat in Mexico is sold out! (or almost)
That was huge news for me.
It was the blog I’d scheduled for this morning.

But then on Thanksgiving day my dear friend Ditte took her last breath.

How can I hold both?
How can I feel it all?

I’ve been with Ditte much of the past week,
in the hospital and then at home.
Holding space. Waiting.
And then on the day America reserves for giving thanks,
Sharing the honor of holding hands with her family
in reverent thanks, to clean and anoint her body.

This morning I’m living with the sweetness of our long friendship.
Our sisterhood over the successes and disappointments of shared projects.
Our children’s struggles and their happy successes.
So much deep feeling and love.

And in this luminous time beyond time
— almost incongruently —
I have this happy news to share.
Last year filling my retreat was a struggle… yet Ditte was able to be there!
But now it’s sold out, (or was until earlier this week when one woman needed to cancel. Somehow I don’t feel the least worried.)

Here’s what I’m getting…
Life gives us this opportunity to feel it all – all at the same time!
We get to have the highs and the lows.
I’m calling this a blessed both/and life.

I don’t want to numb out all that I’m feeling right now.
I know that numbing part of it will diminish the rest.
I want to feel it all.
Every moment.

Today I’ll be saying my last goodbyes to Ditte.
There will be more tears.
And at the same moment her home will be filled with such love!
All of us celebrating her life…
and the transforming power of love to help us feel all that connects us.

Ditte will help me remember
why I believe we must go deep in our connection to our bodies AND our deep heart.
Because all of it is here for us to taste.
There’s no way to separate body and heart…
or much of anything else that’s here to help us be fully human.

It’s connection that we all long for.
Connection with the joys and sadness of living in a body on this beautiful earth.
It’s our connections that make life this precious.

This morning I will let the rain touch me.
I will let the sweetness of my morning chai comfort me.
I will let the arms of friends encircle me.
And I will be so grateful to be feeling it all.

Thank you for being there with me, Dear Ones!

PS — If that spot at my retreat in January is calling you (or one of the two more that Haramara just offered me), check out the details or reach out to me. I’d be so happy to have you come along!

Turning the Tables on my Concussion

I had a helmet on, I promise.
Everything should have been fine.
But as I was getting on my bike somehow I lost my balance
and bonked my head on the driveway.

I cried a little and swore a lot,
but rode into town anyway.
Not half an hour into my meeting though
I realized something was definitely not right.
 
That was two and a half months ago.
I couldn’t drive for 8 days… or look at screens at all.
Massive headaches!

I’d gone to every sort of alternative and straight ahead healer.
With much success. Lucky I live in the Berkshires.

By September I thought I was better.
No more headache behind my eyes.
I’d even forgotten about the fall.

At the seven-week mark I went to my first yoga class,
excited to be back to myself.

But a few simple down dogs and planks were enough
to set me back a month at least.

 
Maybe you’ve noticed I haven’t been writing,
Fact is, I haven’t been on my computer much at all. 
With my special blue glasses,
I can look at my screens for a few minutes at a time,
but then the headaches start up again, and I know I’d better stop.
There are enough scary stories out there to make me behave!

Still, I had plans for the summer! And now, the fall.
 
But here’s what I’ve noticed.
 
Life hasn’t ended.
(Well… at first it felt like it might.)

Instead I’ve had time for gentle walks in nature. 
And phone calls!
My usual incessant texting is being replaced by real conversations. 

At first it didn’t feel as efficient, but now I’m way happier. 

I miss writing blogs,
But I’ve been working in person and on the phone with wonderful people.

And somehow I have more clients than I’ve ever had before.
 
I haven’t finished my book.
I haven’t sent my writing to publication outlets.
I haven’t stayed up to date on FaceBook or Instagram.
 
But I have had time for the real people in my life.
And my summer has been a joy. 
 
Here’s what the Buddha says:
 
Happiness does not depend on what you have or who you are.
It solely relies on what you think.

So here’s what I’m choosing to think:
 
As much of an inconvenience as this concussion has been,
I think my concussion has been a blessing.
I’m pretty darn happy.
And it’s brought surprising gifts.

 
My summer assistant did all the posting for January’s Mexico retreat sale,
and there’s only one spot still left!
Jane, my editor and coach,
is typing this right now, and we’re having a blast.
 
I hope I’ll be back to yoga by the end of the month,
and, fingers crossed, by the end of the year
I’ll be able to look at my computer screen for long enough to finish my book.

But for now, I want to be with people I adore.
I want to be real, celebrating the joys we already have.
I want to choose to see what’s right about the life I have right now
exactly as it presents itself, in this moment.

I want to do this with you.
With just a few of my sisters.
I don’t want to wait till I’m all better!

If getting back to enjoying your body’s pleasure sounds good to you,
no matter your shape or situation…
If prioritizing your heart’s openness feels like your highest calling,
even if it’s breaking…

If teaching your mind to be a servant instead of a tyrant sounds like freedom,
then come join me for a mini-retreat here at my house
November 16-18.

It’s together that we catalyze to make real change in the world.
And after the week we’ve just had, I say it’s time!

Sound good? Then let’s talk.

But please don’t email me. I’m likely to miss it.
Leave a message at (413) 329-7477,
and we’ll get right back to you.

 
Let’s make this a beautiful Autumn, Dear Sisters,
in spite and because of all that’s roiling around us!

With my love,

Mary

Asking for help

We’ve all been taught that feeling good is at it’s best frivolous —
and at it’s worst, narsistic and selfish, right?

Because you care so much about so many.
And truthfully, you really do enjoy helping others.

But secretly, if you’re like most women, you feel exhausted, isolated (even though you have friends and family), and you’re worried you’re losing your spark.

Here’s the funny thing:

If you needed help with you taxes, you’d hire an accountant.

If your car is broken down, of course you bring it to a mechanic.

But if your relationships or heart are suffering, you’re supposed to suddenly become a master coach and know how to fix it all yourself?
Ha, it’s laughable when you think about it.

So here’s the good news:
If you are secretly feeling hopeless in love and/or meaning in your life, it’s not your fault.
You weren’t taught how to heal these on your own.

But I am.

That’s why one of my clients calls me the Dating Doula.
When we first started working together she was terrified to get back in the game.
She thought it was about knowing how to please someone else.
She just had it backwards!
Once she worked the tools to come back to her own innate joy, she’s been loving her life. 

It’s so funny, how we know to invest in our home, and our business, and our family.
But we somehow think investing in ourselves is different?

Sure you’ve invested in yourself before,
like manicures and lunch with a friend,
but that doesn’t really change much, huh?

Even a great therapist might not have the tools to help you reclaim your vibrance!

It’s just not enough.

And here’s why:
There’s a reset that has to happen, and it starts with the way you think.

Because if you want to experience something different, you have to think about it differently.

And if you’ve never invested in yourself in a meaningful way, that might be the place to start.

You’re worth it,

PS – If you can relate to wanting to live better, but you don’t want to mess up what is already working, book a private session with me for FREE here.

Could This Day Be Just A Little Bit Better?

Do you have 10 seconds right now to find out?

I’m sure you’re as crazy busy as I am.

This morning
as I was running up my garden steps to the car,
(not noticing much of anything but my mind’s agenda)
the scent of my peonies stopped me mid-stride
and pulled me back down the stairs.

Those 10 seconds with my face in theirs made my day.

Last month it was my lilacs.
Daffodils before that.
Spring is a sensual feast I inhale in great gulps.

That’s why, now more than ever
— whether I’m thriving or feel totally overwhelmed —
I will not miss this wake up call to life.
It’s just too good!

I think that’s a big part of what our sensesare meant to do,
partnered with Nature’s abundance.

They’re here to wake us up
and turn us on again to the joy of living!

And with beyond-belief springtime bursting all around us,
all we have to do is give it 10 seconds.

This kind of sense pleasure does it’s own sort of shouting,
but only if we let ourselves be seduced.
It lays in wait to make us smile,
to ease the hard times,
and infuse our days with wonder!

What a shame we get lost in our thoughts
and forget to look up.
Turned off to the joy we were built to know.

Now THAT just wouldn’t do!

So… I’ve made you 12 days of reminders.
I’m calling it “Turn on in 12 Days”
Little emails to land in your inbox.
Snippets from my joy to yours.
My gift in honor of Spring!

Get yours here.

Power and Pussy-grabbing

I don’t cuss a lot. Or at least I didn’t used to.

But the election in 2016 has changed me. Maybe you, too?

Power politics may have been around forever, but when so many Americans could disregard a candidate’s “Grab her by the pussy” comment as just normal male bravado, I realized I’d been living in a deluded bubble.

Clearly we haven’t come as far as I’d thought!

But here’s the truth that has morphed my own work and life since 2016. Whether political or personal, it’s the abuse of power that still gets the pass.  Sex, money, and gender are just it’s smoke screen.

As a women’s intimacy coach, it would be so easy to take sides here, to make it all about how f*cked up men are. But gender stereotyping doesn’t demand much intelligence. Still, how many times have you caught yourself in exasperation saying, “Men are so…!”

I assure you, behavior is determined by far more than genitals. Testosterone and estrogen do play a part, of course, and bad behavior needs calling out. Thank God for the “me, too” revolution!  But when we get fired up, it’s way too easy to fall into an indiscriminating and habitual oversimplification and lose touch with what’s really going on.

No matter our gender, when we stay polarized in blame, we are all powerless, unwitting victims of a larger dynamic. 

Since the election I’ve watched couples and individuals I’m working with get way more engaged as they untangle their blame and confusion around power. Sure, there’s no escaping how we’re shaped by our culture and childhood. But what’s really changing my clients’ lives and connections – no matter their gender – is exploring how their less-than-healthy masculine and feminine energies have been running the show.

What we’re really talking about here is power. How easy it is to wield it through force or playing the victim. How we try to get heard or abdicate our voice altogether. How we force ourselves beyond what’s healthy and then fall into a guilty vegging-out abyss. How control and familiar habits (in and out of the bedroom) help to keep us feeling safe but suffocate the juice and flow.

These are explorations and conversations that can change us from within. I love what’s been happening to me as I tap deeper into my masculine oak-tree consciousness and structure so my feminine flow can really let loose.  I’m seeing in my own life and my clients’ the powerful shifts that are possible with this dawning awareness. Then the extremes of pseudo-power and the lose of our effectiveness can relax toward our natural purposefulness… and the pleasure that results.

What happens when you’ve been curious enough to take your gender assumptions off the table and look at what’s really driving you? Have you noticed that there’s way more power there? And vitality, too?  Will you tell us down below in the comments?

I invite you to join me next Tuesday, April 10th at 6pm at Crystal Essence Wellness Center when we’ll be taking a deeper look at the way patriarchy has bastardized masculine power. (Grab a ticket before midnight tonight and save). 

No matter your gender, your authentic yang energy wants expression — it’s what frees the flow and joy of your yin feminine. Peeling away what distorts our masculine essence may be the most important work of our time if we are to preserve the health and preciousness of life on this precious Earth.

And if you are curious, there’s more here…