I don’t cuss a lot. Or at least I didn’t used to.
But the election in 2016 has changed me. Maybe you, too?
Power politics may have been around forever, but when so many Americans could disregard a candidate’s “Grab her by the pussy” comment as just normal male bravado, I realized I’d been living in a deluded bubble.
Clearly we haven’t come as far as I’d thought!
But here’s the truth that has morphed my own work and life since 2016. Whether political or personal, it’s the abuse of power that still gets the pass. Sex, money, and gender are just it’s smoke screen.
As a women’s intimacy coach, it would be so easy to take sides here, to make it all about how f*cked up men are. But gender stereotyping doesn’t demand much intelligence. Still, how many times have you caught yourself in exasperation saying, “Men are so…!”
I assure you, behavior is determined by far more than genitals. Testosterone and estrogen do play a part, of course, and bad behavior needs calling out. Thank God for the “me, too” revolution! But when we get fired up, it’s way too easy to fall into an indiscriminating and habitual oversimplification and lose touch with what’s really going on.
No matter our gender, when we stay polarized in blame, we are all powerless, unwitting victims of a larger dynamic.
Since the election I’ve watched couples and individuals I’m working with get way more engaged as they untangle their blame and confusion around power. Sure, there’s no escaping how we’re shaped by our culture and childhood. But what’s really changing my clients’ lives and connections – no matter their gender – is exploring how their less-than-healthy masculine and feminine energies have been running the show.
What we’re really talking about here is power. How easy it is to wield it through force or playing the victim. How we try to get heard or abdicate our voice altogether. How we force ourselves beyond what’s healthy and then fall into a guilty vegging-out abyss. How control and familiar habits (in and out of the bedroom) help to keep us feeling safe but suffocate the juice and flow.
These are explorations and conversations that can change us from within. I love what’s been happening to me as I tap deeper into my masculine oak-tree consciousness and structure so my feminine flow can really let loose. I’m seeing in my own life and my clients’ the powerful shifts that are possible with this dawning awareness. Then the extremes of pseudo-power and the lose of our effectiveness can relax toward our natural purposefulness… and the pleasure that results.
What happens when you’ve been curious enough to take your gender assumptions off the table and look at what’s really driving you? Have you noticed that there’s way more power there? And vitality, too? Will you tell us down below in the comments?
I invite you to join me next Tuesday, April 10th at 6pm at Crystal Essence Wellness Center when we’ll be taking a deeper look at the way patriarchy has bastardized masculine power. (Grab a ticket before midnight tonight and save).
No matter your gender, your authentic yang energy wants expression — it’s what frees the flow and joy of your yin feminine. Peeling away what distorts our masculine essence may be the most important work of our time if we are to preserve the health and preciousness of life on this precious Earth.
And if you are curious, there’s more here…