Power and Pussy-grabbing

I don’t cuss a lot. Or at least I didn’t used to.

But the election in 2016 has changed me. Maybe you, too?

Power politics may have been around forever, but when so many Americans could disregard a candidate’s “Grab her by the pussy” comment as just normal male bravado, I realized I’d been living in a deluded bubble.

Clearly we haven’t come as far as I’d thought!

But here’s the truth that has morphed my own work and life since 2016. Whether political or personal, it’s the abuse of power that still gets the pass.  Sex, money, and gender are just it’s smoke screen.

As a women’s intimacy coach, it would be so easy to take sides here, to make it all about how f*cked up men are. But gender stereotyping doesn’t demand much intelligence. Still, how many times have you caught yourself in exasperation saying, “Men are so…!”

I assure you, behavior is determined by far more than genitals. Testosterone and estrogen do play a part, of course, and bad behavior needs calling out. Thank God for the “me, too” revolution!  But when we get fired up, it’s way too easy to fall into an indiscriminating and habitual oversimplification and lose touch with what’s really going on.

No matter our gender, when we stay polarized in blame, we are all powerless, unwitting victims of a larger dynamic. 

Since the election I’ve watched couples and individuals I’m working with get way more engaged as they untangle their blame and confusion around power. Sure, there’s no escaping how we’re shaped by our culture and childhood. But what’s really changing my clients’ lives and connections – no matter their gender – is exploring how their less-than-healthy masculine and feminine energies have been running the show.

What we’re really talking about here is power. How easy it is to wield it through force or playing the victim. How we try to get heard or abdicate our voice altogether. How we force ourselves beyond what’s healthy and then fall into a guilty vegging-out abyss. How control and familiar habits (in and out of the bedroom) help to keep us feeling safe but suffocate the juice and flow.

These are explorations and conversations that can change us from within. I love what’s been happening to me as I tap deeper into my masculine oak-tree consciousness and structure so my feminine flow can really let loose.  I’m seeing in my own life and my clients’ the powerful shifts that are possible with this dawning awareness. Then the extremes of pseudo-power and the lose of our effectiveness can relax toward our natural purposefulness… and the pleasure that results.

What happens when you’ve been curious enough to take your gender assumptions off the table and look at what’s really driving you? Have you noticed that there’s way more power there? And vitality, too?  Will you tell us down below in the comments?

I invite you to join me next Tuesday, April 10th at 6pm at Crystal Essence Wellness Center when we’ll be taking a deeper look at the way patriarchy has bastardized masculine power. (Grab a ticket before midnight tonight and save). 

No matter your gender, your authentic yang energy wants expression — it’s what frees the flow and joy of your yin feminine. Peeling away what distorts our masculine essence may be the most important work of our time if we are to preserve the health and preciousness of life on this precious Earth.

And if you are curious, there’s more here…

3 Words to Live by in 2018

You might tattoo these words into your consciousness
for a more joyful,
peaceful,
and purposeful
2018.

 

Remember
your deep and innate connection to your feminine essence.

It’s inevitable that we overdo and work too hard in a culture that rewards abuse. When we learn to listen with compassion to our bodies’ messages, effort drops away and we’re revived.

 

Reclaim
your joy by prioritizing stillness and solitude.

Hearing your inner wisdom can only happen when you allow (and this means schedule!) centered, quiet space to listen. This is vital self-care and the one choice that can transform all others.

 

Receive
the ever-present blessings of beauty from the natural world.

In any moment, no matter where you are, there is at least the smallest bit of restorative transformative beauty waiting for you to notice it. Any day’s difficulties will melt if you’ll open your eyes, ears, nose, tongue and skin to welcoming this gift for your sustenance.

 

 

Is it intuition or wishful thinking?

How do you tell for sure?

For most of my life I was surprised when my wild guesses were on target.
And weirdly, they were, more often than not.

But I had no idea how I knew what I knew.

It was all kind of spooky – so I didn’t bother to notice the patterns.
I’d usually just toss it off as luck.

It’s what most of us do.
We have a hunch that we label as silly
…or maybe a gut feeling we just ignore till it goes away.

These days, though, it’s more than just my gut that sends signals.
My whole body sings! REALLY!

I don’t know how else to describe it…
But with every passing year, the signs are more indisputably clear.
This is how feminine wisdom works!

Then, as if I ever doubted,
last Saturday morning my intuition came on line
more powerfully than I can remember,
tingling to get my attention in every cell of my body!

But some background first…

I’m in Hawaii this month, soaking in the love of my new grandbaby, Hazel!
(Don’t miss us on FB.)

Last weekend I took a quick flight over to Maui to meet up with Tamara,
my dear friend and colleague of 10 years.
Laughing and reminiscing, I began to realize just how aligned we still were.
AND what a powerful duo we’d be!

Tamara and Me in Hawaii.04 2

In that moment, overlooking the surf from her balcony,
there was no ignoring the tingling in my face and chest.
Like every cell of my body was saying YES!
I’ve come to recognize this as my ultra-clear guidance for the next right step.

So right then and there,
I asked Tamara to join me to co-lead my Awakening retreat next month in Mexico.

And here’s why…
Tamara brings vast experience and skills in holding space for women’s transformation.
She’s cultivated a deep sense of determined, focused masculine energy
IN ORDER TO
flow in her gorgeous feminine beauty.
That… or course, is what this retreat is all about!

But what I love most about this dear sister is that
she knows how to revere the feminine!

She masterfully holds space for women to feel safe.
And that’s what every woman needs
to release all that blocks our radiance and brilliance.

I can hardly sit still as I write this,
feeling into how it will be — the two of us as a team
and imagining all that will be birthed
for every women who will be at Haramara this January.

So, Dear Sister, if you’ve been putting your own wishes on the back burner,
…too busy with the holidays to even consider what you really need,
…thinking a few New Year’s resolutions on January 1st will be enough,
STOP now, and feel into what’s true.

What do you most need to live your beautiful, full-out and joyous life?

My Awakening your Divine Feminine Self retreat in Mexico is just over a month away.
If this retreat might be your answer, please don’t wait.

A gorgeous group of women have already booked their flights.
But I have to give firm numbers to Haramara next week.
so take this little step right now…

Anytime you need to know your own truth,
(And for now, what your own wisdom knows about the retreat,)

Sit still for a moment.
Take three deep quiet breaths.
Place your hand on your heart.
And ask your question….
            Is now the time for me to more deeply awaken my beautiful feminine soul?

In this moment, notice how your body is responding?
You might have felt your torso pulling forward.
or a subtle tingling in your hands (or whole body – like me).
or maybe a lightness and fluttering in your chest.

How does your body say its intuitive YES?

Imagine how great it would be to know how each woman reading this
experiences her own unique intuition’s signals.
Can you tell us in the comment section below?

And if that YES was about the retreat
then click here to book a chat with me.

We’ll see if this is the next step for you right now.
(And only if it’s in perfect alignment with your inner wisdom.)
I may also be able to help you over the hump we all have
when we’re contemplating something big and important.

Now that was fun! Thanks for playing along.
And don’t forget to leave a comment down below!

I’m sending you big love, Sisters!

PS…So no matter whether Mexico is calling you
or you just need a bit of sisterhood guidance, I’m always here to chat.

How I’m Surviving in a post-Las Vegas world

photo by NeONBRAND

These are crazy times, Dear Women…

After the torment of this past month…
After Irma and Maria and now LasVegas
We’re living in a whole new paradigm.

On Monday I felt the undertow, threatening to pull me down.
Tossing me in the surf as I gasped for breath.
Really, there’s MORE?!!!

How are you coping?

It’s so easy to get lost in the anguish we see on our screens.
Feeling the pain of so many, dealing with so much!

And here’s why:

It’s natural for our hearts to break
when someone is suffering.

That’s the shadow side of the feminine.
It’s just part of the package.
We feel so much!

But when I’m immersed in grief for what I have no power to change
and overwhelmed by all that I must contend with every day
I can easily lose my way.
You, too?

So this week I’m taking stock. 
I can’t live like this.

Because if I do
I sacrifice my power and purposefulness to despair.

And right now, we can’t afford that, Sisters!
The world needs us too badly!

It’s time to take my own care seriously.
And that means stepping away from it all.

Turning everything off, at least for a minute or two.
Finding moments of quiet to come back to center.
This is the self-care the feminine must have to survive.

But I tend not to do that.
Instead I hang right in there, feeling it all.
Somehow sure that sacrificing myself will help.

This My Dears, is what we’ve been trained to do.
And it just doesn’t work, does it?

But why is it so hard to step away?

I know how a walk in Nature will help.
Or gazing at last night’s brilliant full moon.
Then I can re-member myself again.

It’s just making it happen that’s the trick.

That’s why I go on retreat.
And why I bring women with me.

But wait…
Isn’t that just a bit self-indulgent
when so many are suffering with so much?!!!!

What I’ve found is that stepping away from the craziness
for a day or a week
can actually begin to reset our cultural patterning.

It’s nearly impossible to make real change otherwise.
Especially in the midst of rapid-fire tragedy.

To come back to our destiny,
to live in the aliveness and empowerment that the world most needs,
We must have pleasure!

WHAT? 
That’s ridiculous!, I hear you’re screaming…
“When the world has gone this nuts,
you want me to hide my head in the sand,
whistle some happy tune,
and pretend it’s not happening?”

No, Dear Sisters.
Please. Our empathy is what makes us so beautiful!

But here’s what’s true:
We must have real pleasure to balance the difficulty of being human.

And I don’t mean another glass of wine or binge-watching Game of Thrones.
That’s just the easy default when the day’s too under-pleasured.

Here’s the problem…
We easily lose touch with all that’s meant to bring us pleasure!
…all that’s actually here to get us through these crazy times we live in,
…the sweet morsels of joy that are just waiting there.
They can mitigate the overdrive we live in
and the overdose of bad news we hear every day.

Haramara beach

We live on an exquisitely beautiful planet,
yet we don’t know how to truly take it in

… how to access the full measure of support and delight that is our birthright.

I’m guessing you weren’t taught to receive these moment-to-moment pleasures
through your senses, body, and deeper being.
Not if you grew up in this culture.
I surely wasn’t.

What I’m talking about is a deeper kind of Turn-ON
and what we need to thrive
in the kind of world we’re living in now.

Because drowning in the current is no help to anyone.

It’s why I make it a point to get away,
and why this week I’m making it a little easier.
Just through Sunday, October 15th
I’m taking 20% off the cost of coming to Haramara with me.

Here’s a video I made about the retreat…

Awakening Your Divine

We need real tools,
a strategy and a set of practices that can shift us
away from perpetual struggle
and into the moment-to-moment pleasure we were built to enjoy.

That, Sisters, is my work.
and why I take women away with me for a week.
We need a pleasure intervention
and a good bit of re-training in delight.

A little dose of paradise doesn’t hurt, either.

So take a look.
Then join me at Haramara this January.
And feel free to touch base if you have questions.

No matter if you’re retreating with me in Mexico
or taking a moment right now to listen to the rain,
you can reclaim the pleasure your body and being were meant to give you.

If you just step away.

Why history still holds us hostage in the bedroom

It’s an epidemic. The way women make do in the bedroom.
I know because I hear their stories every day.

I’m still in the afterglow
from my Awakening the Divine Feminine women’s retreat this past weekend.
Discovering just how much more pleasure there in is life than we make do with.
(We even went skinny dipping!)

But too many of the stories we shared had the same theme.

Despite all our sexual liberation,
and with advice about sex everywhere,
something strange is going on here…
And we don’t have anywhere to talk about it
if we dare to even admit it!

In last week’s blog
I ran through a slew of reasons why we settle for what’s not really working.
How we hope it will change someday.
Or sadly, why we just get used to doing without.
And reaching for pleasures that sabotage what we most need.

The story is age old. Your mother probably did it, too.

In fact, that’s how the world ran until not so long ago.
For millennia women were expected to do sex the way the guys did it.
And now with so much male-created porn on the internet, we’re even more convinced.

You see, before the 60s
it was a radical idea for women to expect pleasure in the bedroom.
True!

So it’s little wonder most of us still don’t quite know how to make it happen.
And why we still make do with giving him what makes him happy,
instead of knowing how to get across to him what we want
… just hoping the next time will be different.

But women, here’s the truth…
For most feminine-essenced people, his way just does not work for us!
And here’s why…

The penis is directional.
It knows how to get to the goal
in the most efficient way for the biggest bang for the buck.
Right?

That’s how the male body works,
and masculine energy, too.
The world’s been built with it.
It’s why we can fly cross-country in 5 hours instead of riding horseback.
Thank you, masculine assembly-line efficiency…
(and the men and women who worked there!)

Photo by Laura Gariglio on Unsplash

It’s also why my dad hated to stop the car on trips to let us pee.
He just wanted to get there by the fastest, most efficient route possible.

Then there’s my mom…
She’d have liked to stop at the roadside to eat our sandwiches,
maybe find a picnic table by a field or brook,
instead of passing our waxed paper bundles back to us from the sack by her feet.

That’s how the feminine works!
A man or woman’s feminine energy cares more about how delightful the travel is.
How comfortable the seats are.
If you have your favorite music playing.
Who you’re sitting beside.

The feminine is about pleasure.
The masculine gets stuff done.

When it comes to the bedroom,
the fast fuck rarely gives a feminine being the kind of ride she’d most enjoy.

Instead
it’s all the little things that gradually turn her on

and eventually turn her into bliss.

And that, My Dear, may not be involve getting to the usual goal of orgasm.

The one thing I find myself nearly always suggesting to clients I work with,
(whether single or coupled)
is this…
Slow down! 

Isn’t it time to bring the feminine back into life and the bedroom?
If what you want is more pleasure,
then always making orgasm your goal may just be what’s ruining your chances.

Of course, the same goes for life!

Not unlike last week’s antidotes to remedy our habitual making-do,
consider shifting one thing this week,
in and out of the bedroom,
to focus on your real pleasure
instead giving in to that damned efficiency tyrant within.

What one thing will make a difference?
Maybe taking orgasm off the table just this once…
and exploring your or your lover’s body, strictly for the fun of it?

Or seeing just how much pleasure you can feel with the least stimulation?

Be creative.
Let you own inner masculine and feminine work together.
He makes the plan. She decides how she wants to feel.

The more determined you are to stare down
your well-ingrained, cultural preference for efficiency,
the more pleasure you’ll find yourself enjoying,
no matter where you’re playing!
I promise!

 

Is ‘Making Do’ your MO – especially in the bedroom?

Priscilla du preez-98671

That’s the question I find myself asking again and again of clients and friends…
and me, too, much more often than I’d like to admit.


Is “making do” your MO… especially in the bedroom?

We say you’re waiting for the right moment
…or the right words
…or the right mood
to somehow ask for what would really work…
what would really feel 
g o o d.

But that moment just doesn’t seem to come. 

What’s up with this weird voicelessness we still tolerate
… especially in sex?!

This summer I’ve been fascinated by how my feminine-essenced clients and those who are more masculine struggle to communicate… or just don’t.

And I’m shocked by what I’m discovering…

On so many fronts women speak out for what’s right,
stand up for others, 
risk conflict or worse to let our voice be heard.

But if you’re like millions of other sexually-confident women
it’s hardest to COMMUNICATE about what’s most intimate…
and especially what’s not working so well.

So women make do with a mediocre (or worse) sex life
or search from partner to partner,
hoping to find one that finally gets how to please us…
without us needing to say a word.

Here’s the really sad news..
Making do is why WAY TOO MANY WOMEN – by middle age –
give up on sex altogether. 

It’s just not good enough to bother! 
(Or we despair that there’s no one out there worth the effort.)

So we make do with substitute pleasures anywhere we can find them.
Let’s see… the refrigerator? Facebook? Pinot Grigio? Amazon?

And if you do have someone to share your bed,
Making do can feel like this crazy either / or conundrum …

Do I make do as a people-pleasing compliant, eventually dis-interested wifey
OR
should I just give up and leave in frustration.

All because there just doesn’t seem to be a way to bridge
the arousal and communication gap.

WHAT TO DO?



First, take a breath…
I know, it’s a lot.

When I began writing this blog, it seemed simple enough. 
Lay out the problem and offer a few suggestions I’ve seen work.

But it’s now 10 days later. 
This is far more fascinating and complicated than I’d imagined.
So there will be a sequel… or two.
But for now, let’s start right where many of us are.

Last week my client Kristin put it this way…
“I don’t want to seem demanding
or worse, needy!!!
or emasculate him
or hurt his feelings by making him feel like he’s not doing it right.
We’ve been through this so many times!
I’m pissed off, hurt, disappointed…
And I feel like I’m going crazy,”

Of course she eventually looses it in frustration.
She can’t stand this man she hopes she still loves
and melts down into the raving bitch she hates in herself.

Then leaving sounds like a huge relief! 

All because these two are at a loss for how to skillfully communicate about what works best for each of them.

Why is this SO HARD!?!

Here’s the first onion layer of why I (and maybe you, too) have been known to make do. Then I’ll share a few solutions I’ve discovered over the years.

When we love someone, we love to make them happy. It feels sweet!
But confrontation doesn’t.
Why rock the boat by being difficult?, we might think.
Here’s why…

Estrogen makes feminine-essenced people naturally connection-oriented and conflict-averse.

Without it, humans wouldn’t have survived as a species!
So women learned to compromise our own desires and take care of everyone else’s needs.
But in the process we can lose track completely of our own.

So often I’ve heard the lament, “I don’t really even know what I want anymore.”

Then, like Kristin, we feel lost and confused.
Playing pleasing wifey clearly hasn’t brought the happiness it promised.
But the bitch isn’t that appealing, either!

So it’s time to step away and get some clarity.
Time for a little triage…
Time to make your own pleasure important again.

Are you ready for today’s challenge?
We’ll get to the bedroom by Thursday’s blog.
But for today, first things first!

How much pleasure can you allow yourself to receive from the smallest of the day’s delights?

Seems too simple, right?
But don’t be fooled.
This is real research.
And it can change your vision forever.

What’s there, just waiting for you to notice it…
waiting to bring you a moment or two of pleasure.

It could be something as simple as the blue sky,
or the clouds.
Or how good it feels to have your hands in warm sudsy water,
or the intricate scent tones of your morning coffee.

Can you allow yourself 10 seconds to really take in that joy?

What is here in your life already, just waiting to please you?

If you spend the next few days committed to coming back to your pleasure in a determined way, you will find it much easier (and more fun) to allow yourself permission to be more fully pleasured in the bedroom.

This is a skill, Dear Friends.
And likely one you weren’t taught in school.

You might even put up a few stickies on the kitchen cupboard doors
or the bathroom mirror to remind yourself.  

Enjoy our little experiment… and share below how it’s going.
What are you noticing?

Ok… I’ll be back on Thursday
with a few juicy facts about arousal differences and why we (ok, I) have so easily fallen back into making do instead of making my own pleasure as valuable as my partner’s.

Is it time to say goodbye to struggle?

Screen Shot 2017-08-25 at 11.59.33 AMLike those great sandals you’ve loved all summer…
Or the childhood friend who doesn’t quite fit anymore…
Or even the meditation practice that’s taken you deeper than you would have imagined not that long ago…
Sometimes it’s time to say goodbye.

Sometimes a conscious leave taking is appropriate.
It clears the decks for what’s been wanting to come in, but has no space.

In July I said goodbye to an old way of being. I knew it was time. But I needed a kick in the pants. I said yes to a week away with a brilliant shaman, Rose Khalsa, and gave myself the gift of a vision quest.

I already had a vision for my life. What I was questing for was a clearer view.

And that’s what happened as I lay on my sheepskin for three days, doing very little, looking up through the branches of beech and maple to clouds floating past in a perfect azure sky. Reviewing my life. And opening to Wisdom.

The message that came to me again and again, the one I often just can’t hear through the distracting noise of my constant busy-ness was this:

Relax, Dear One. Drop the struggle. You don’t need to try so hard. Receive the nourishment that’s poured out for you. Everything you need is here, and more.

WHAT?!! ”But I have so much to do! If I don’t do it for myself, who’s going to give me what I need? Where am I going to find the time to do something else?”

But it was my body that registered the first message as wisdom. I couldn’t ignore it. There was this deeper layer of what I’ve been teaching and preaching for ages. The essence of the feminine IS to receive.

We just don’t know how anymore.

(My Dears, don’t be fooled. The feminine has very little to do with what we think of as femininity, at least in our culture. I wasn’t wearing frilly dresses and high heals out there in the woods.)

You see, every day we live primarily in our masculine energy. Doing. Achieving. Being productive. Getting to the goal, only to drop into bed, exhausted. Even on our days off, we have our lists. On vacations we pack the days. Then we numb out so we don’t feel how deeply discontented we are. It’s clear this isn’t working. We just don’t know another way.

But there IS another way. And it involves learning how to receive again.Maybe just for three breaths. From the sun. From the morning’s chill. From this moment’s pleasure, often found right here in our bodies. When we listen.

This is the message that’s been pouring itself into my book since July. Along with the practices to help us all remember… Remember how to live in the joy of our feminine. And still make life work.

Saying goodbye to struggle starts when you decide to balance the effort you expend with one moment’s pleasure. Maybe right now?

On this one in-breath, receive the scent of your coffee, the crunch of buttered toast, tonight’s luminous almost-full moon. Please, Dear Woman, don’t put off taking in all the joy you’re starving for until everything else is done.

Don’t deprive yourself by trying to push through. When you feel depleted, just stop for 10 seconds! Look, listen, taste.

If this sounds too simple, well… it is! Receiving is what we’ve been waiting for. It’s totally natural to us.

The hard part is saying goodbye to the old habit of pushing it all away. We know that path so well. It’s often in the struggle that we feel worthwhile.

That’s why we need reminding. And why I offer my work. Message me if you’d like a helping hand.

In whatever way suits you, join this revolution. Take back the pleasure you were meant to know and live. It’s just one decision, right now.

3 Macho Habits of Successful Women that Sap their Feminine Juice

In my work with women over the past decade, three fallacies stand out as the prime killers of women’s turn-on. And they all have to do with time.So think about your life now.
What causes you stress around time?1. Rushing
Because we think there’s not enough of it,
or that we always need to do more to move up the ladder,
or just because there’s just too damn much to cram into every day,
we rush.

We run to the car or bus (and not just to burn a few extra calories).
We leave too little time between appointments, and then speed in a frenzy to get there.

This adrenaline driven life isn’t what allows for our feminine flow.
Then we resort to coffee and chocolate get us through the day when energy inevitably drops.
By dinnertime, there’s really nothing left for anyone, least of all, ourselves..

So today, experiment with not rushing.
Give yourself more spaciousness…
…permission to live like a queen instead of a slave to your life.

2. Multi-tasking

Multi-tasking is natural to the feminine. In pre-historic times,
women needed the capacity to nurse the baby, tend the fire, and keep an eye out for the cougar that lived just over the hill.
That ability to do so many things at once
Is what makes us so good at life.But we’ve taken this too far.
We’re driven to pile more and more on ourselves, not wanting to waste a second!
Talking to a friend on the phone… but also eating lunch… and scanning FB … and… and…Watch how uncomfortable you may feel to just eat when you eat.
How tempted you are to pick up a magazine or book.
To do so many things instead of being fully present in this moment, in your senses.

Make eating an experience of pleasure,
Enjoying the tastes, textures and color of your food.
instead of allowing your pleasure to be diluted by distractions.

3. Over-giving 
Because we are women, our estrogen encourages us to connect.
We are constantly looking out for the benefit and wellbeing of those around us.
That natural tendency makes life beautiful.
It’s what provides the glue and joy for friendships and family.

It’s who we are. We value our connections to others.
We give.
But too often women find their identity in giving to others.
Constantly scanning for what else is needed.
Concerned most with everyone else’s welfare…
before we even consider what we might actually need.

Or maybe you give yourself the mani/pedis, the spa treatments.
But really… do these really address your deepest needs?
I know, I love the pampering, too. It’s fun and feels good.

But I watch how easy it is to do those things and not really listen to what I most need.
For silence.
For time in nature.
For stillness.
For resting.

Those deeper needs we may not even notice in a day that’s so full,
when we’ve been pushing so hard, rushing so much, multi-tasking all the time.
By the evening, when we’ve taken care of every one else’s needs, we collapse.
There’s no chance to actually find real pleasure.
We’re deaf to our bodies’ calls.

So what can we do?
Here’s my suggestion….

All through the day, there are opportunities to stop…
Just for two breaths or 10 seconds.
To notice the beauty around you.
To notice the silhouette of a bare tree trunk against the winter sky.
To notice the quality of light,
The beauty of life around you.

This is where pleasure happens.
And what can bring feminine balance to a crazy, full-on, hyper-masculine life.
Then the rest of life has the possibility to be full of a moment-to-moment pleasure we are starved for.

When we give ourselves these moments to stop.
To actually feel and sense what is happening right now.
To find the pleasure that’s actually there…
Then we have a richer experience of our lives.
We are more in our feminine.
We can enjoy life more.
And we have much more, in the end, to give to others.

Brilliant women… please let me know in the comment section below how you manage these pesky habits. How are you restraining the urge to RUSH? What are your go to tactics for getting your MULTI-TASKING to serve your feminine? And… how are you bringing moments of attention and JOY into your day to day lives? I can’t wait to being this conversation.

How Mr. Trump ignited my fire

This Dark time of the year has been a dark night for my soul.

January 20, 2017

I’d been working like crazy, writing about the feminine – books and blogs
My mind’s been more creative than ever (or in over-drive, I’m not sure which).
Maybe just trying to hide my head in the sand after the election.

But I’ve been feeling like a hypocrite!
Trying to get a crazy amount done.
Losing touch with my own feminine essence, my gentleness, compassion, and intuitive knowing
All the while telling you how NOT to!

I’d definitely been pushing hard.
Excited by my way too over-enthusiastic goals
Strong-arming my body to submit to my mind’s timeline.
And never feeling like I’d done enough.

Not pretty!

HERE’S THE THING…
My behavior was not that different from what is being glorified today in DC.
I’ve just gotten a very clear mirror!

It’s easy to see it out there!
And we hate it.
The dominating. Castigating. Shaming. Bullying.
The way dissent is being silenced, weakness punished, fear instilled.

But it was also what we do to ourselves.

  •     Silencing our body’s messages.
  •     Bullying ourselves to keep working.
  •     Shaming ourselves for making mistakes.
  •     Shutting down our feelings so we can keep going.
  •     Rushing and over-scheduling, ignoring our bodies’ needs.
  •     All the while, afraid we still won’t get it right.

This has been me.
Even with all I know about what kindness and sensitivity looks like!
Even with my ongoing devotion to the feminine!

You see, we’ve all learned our lessons well.

This is our world, abusive and out of balance
It’s the energy we live in.
Like a fish swimming in tainted water, we hardly notice its abuse.

We are unknowingly driven by what I’m calling the Hyper-Masculine.

Don’t get confused here. This is not about gender.
I could call it the Imbalanced Yang if we all knew Taoist wisdom.

It happens to be what has co-oped our society,
Our political system.
Our religions.
Our financial system.
And our everyday lives.

This hyper, immature masculine is damaging the Earth.
And every being that lives here.

Mr. Trump just gives us a clearer taste of the water in which we’re swimming.

It’s time for action.
Time to speak up for those values of the masculine that we most want to lead the way.
But we can only change when we see the shadow that hides within.

I have a lot to say about this.
I’ve been inhaling this body of work for more than 10 years,
devoted to re-imagining and re-awakening the healthy feminine.

But all my work makes no sense without a curiosity for the healthy masculine.

We have models around us, but they don’t make the headlines.

This authentic masculine demonstrates a strength and integrity that is often quiet. But substantial. Consistent.
A humble and competent stillness in the face of danger.
Able to take a joke and smile at their humanity.

Its presence speaks for itself.
And when it does speak every bone in your body resonates to its bass note of truth.
The healthy masculine feels solid, trustworthy.
It supports what most needs its strength.

It’s strong, but never forced.
It harnessed its power for a purpose.
It’s decisive and determined, but never a bully.

It is confident, without bravado.
There’s no need for a big show of strength when the strength is real.
It’s strategic and fierce when protecting those in need.
It knows how to structure life so my feminine can relax and blossom.

This is the masculine I want to recognize and celebrate this year.
And it’s what I want to develop in myself.
It undergirds my actions to stand for what’s healthy for our country, as well as myself.

I’d love you to come with me.
What aspect of your own firm masculine’s secure support do you need to bring forth your best?

I’d love to know if you can relate? Does this make sense to you? Please let me know in the comments below. Your insights are our inspiration.

Let’s live that line… being the change we want to see most!
I’m standing with you, Brave Souls.

Mary

Happy 2017! Finding your flow by letting go

Screen Shot 2017-08-25 at 12.28.08 PM
It’s a bright shiny New Year out there!
So much promise.
So much opportunity.
That’s how newness feels.

It’s tempting to take all this freshness and turn it into overdrive.
Promising more. Doing more. Pushing more.
Trying harder.
…and then needing to recover.
Poor thing, this sweet New Year!

Don’t get me wrong.
Goals are important.
Projects engage us in life.
Intentions move us forward.

But, if you’re like me, what we most want is flow… 
That “in the zone” feeling when everything is in sync and our genius is streaming through us.

Living in that magic demands more than trying, planning, and working.
It also asks us to let go. 

So beginning today, I’m shifting things up.

I still have big plans for growing my life and work.
But I’m realizing what must come first.

I need to let something go.

I’d rather just keep building, adding, doing more.
My life feels so exciting that way.

Instead I need to surrender a habit.
…what’s actually held me hostage.
But that I’ve loved.
(Oh, ok… been sort of addicted to!)

Instead of trying to beat this stubborn obsession into submission…
(in that forceful, overdrive kind of way that, in the end, makes me feel depressed and defeated)
I’m taking my own message to heart.
I need this truth as much as anyone else.

I need to let the feminine lead… 
Divining the beauty that’s hiding beneath my frenzy.

You see, I have this habit I’ve been noticing for quite a few years now.
When it’s running me I feel amped up, on, zinging.

But really, it takes me out of myself, away from my center, into a deluded sense of accomplishment.

I’ve tried to let it go before.
Made promises. The usual New Years resolutions.

I’m sure you know what’s always happened.
You, too?

So here’s what I’ll surrender.
I amp up my life by moving fast, driving fast, talking fast.
It’s my version of caffeine.
It gives me the illusion that I’m getting a lot done… even if I’m just spinning my wheels.

Speeding up on the outside keeps me from listening on the inside.
It’s our cultural obsession.
It’s actually our cultural abuse.

I know it doesn’t really work for the wholeness I want.
But it’s habit.
And the more we live that way, the more it becomes the new normal. 

We don’t really want to feel what’s going on inside.
– the frustration or fear or overwhelm –
And what would happen if we let ourselves go there?
We might implode. Or never stop crying. Or give up.
That’s the real terror.

But here’s the wisdom…

Listening inside, tuning into our bodies’ knowing, can take us home.
That is… if we’re gentle. Kind. Compassionate with ourselves first, and then others.

So this is my challenge for this year…

I intend to shift away from speeding.

I know, it’s big!
But the only way this will happen is to be gentle with myself when I notice that I’m doing it again.
I’m convinced this is the path to the kind of life I want to be living in 2017.

So what’s your intention?
Your goals. Your projects. Your own high bar.
They’re unique to each of us.
It’s our gorgeous masculine energy, wanting to manage our lives beautifully.

But that kind, gentle voice… she’s universal.
And she’s your feminine.

We’ve never needed her more.
Especially now, with the political world spinning out of control.
Convincing us that domination is the only way to get ahead.

She chills out our hyped-up, pushing, insistent, demeaning, out-of-control masculine.
The cultural abuse we all live with.

When the feminine is present, when she holds steady in understanding,
then the masculine can do his job. He can relax.
He needs her, too.

That’s where peace and grace live.
And I believe that’s what we all want this year, perhaps more than anything else.

Below in the comments, would you let me know your intention?
And what your own kind voice of the feminine will say to keep you centered and in your effectiveness?
We’re all in this together.

Happy New Year, Dear Ones.
Mary