Announcing My New Video on My Homepage!

 

Everywhere women are served up messages that say we’re on the downhill slope of life past 40.

Did you watch my video above to hear why that’s such a LIE?

When we believe that deception we fork over our time, money, and power just to try to feel good enough.

Somewhere deep inside — when you really listen — you’ve lived enough life to know what’s true.
Because that illusive happiness never lasts!

The truth is simple…
Every woman is a channel of divine love. 
It’s remembering that truth and living it that isn’t easy!!!

If you’d like to know — once and for all — how to live in what’s true AND possible, let’s talk.

I’ve just opened 5 spots on my calendar this week for conversations with 5 women who want more.

We’ll begin to discover what’s been secretly sabotaging your fullest joy, greatest wisdom, and deepest connection AND create a custom plan to reunite you with your divine essence that will bring real happiness — and act as a magnet to draw resources and people to you.

All in just 55 minutes. And for $49. That’s one fifth the usual cost of an hour’s work with me.

But I’m only offering this to women who are serious about their joy…and book a time today.

I know every woman alive can live her fullest life!
— no matter her circumstance, relationship, or fears!

I can’t wait to dive in with you, Dear Woman.

marysig

2 Keys to Every Transformation and 3 Ways to Make it Happen Over the Next 13 Weeks

suzanne-d-williams-794133-unsplashTransform… really?
Does your cynic scoff as much as mine at that overused word?
Can anything really change that much in just 13-weeks?

Celtic legend says that seeds do.
They rest in the dark for an entire season
Before stirring beneath the soil for their triumphant blossoming.
Imagine having an entire season to rest!

Winter is that season in the natural world.
We’ve been given 13 weeks of percolation
to take us from Winter Solstice to the Spring Equinox in March.
From longest night and shortest day to light harmonizing in time.
And it all begins next Friday evening.

But rest?!? Really?

The only way to let the dark time transform us
is to take matters into our own hands, Dear Ones.

In my last blog I suggested a very practical process
for creating a few precious minutes in this dark time for the next 13-weeks’ intentions.

One season isn’t much time really.
Or is it?
It’s enough for a seed to go from invisible to revealing its stunning beauty.

You see, every seed — and every artist of life,
no matter their medium —
must align with the natural forces that govern substantive transformation.

Creative flow can only happen if it’s held by some sort of structure.

If you know me even a little
You know that I’ve been rebelling against structure for most of my life.
Because it came packaged as rigid and punitive discipline.
Not really joy’s style.

Thankfully, fairly recently I’ve gotten a whole new take on structure…
(I’ll be sharing WAY more about that in the New Year, so stay tuned!)
And my life is flourishing as a result.

What I now know is
that it’s structure that holds the life of transformation I’m loving living!

See if this applies to you…

There are 2 kinds of structure absolutely essential for a seed to blossom
or a human to live a happy and satisfying life of beauty and artistry.

Obviously, the right circumstances or tools must be there
water and sunshine
paintbrush and canvas
pen and paper (or computer!)
inspiration and ideas

But something else is essential or nothing will really happen.

Every delicious creation reveals itself in structured time.
And showing up in time is what allows the creative process to be birthed.

So here is query #2 for your solstice season…
What tools do you need to let your next creative transformation happen?
And what sort of structure will you create to hold you in time

I invite you to use the next 13 weeks to bloom yourself into your next gorgeous revelation.

Dream into something you really want now…
(check out blog #1 for a bit of guidance) 

And then, over the next few weeks,
create a scaleable plan to allow for its inevitable growth.
This is how you make your desire — and your joyous life — real!

This dark time is made for inner exploration.
But that potent opportunity is only available if you make it happen in time.
I’d hate for you to fritter it away consumed by the season’s parties and busyness.
Your own precious life’s potential is too promising to waste.

I leave you with this question…
How will you value your fully-lived life enough right now to create a structure to hold its Springtime blossoming? 

Enjoy the quiet quest, Dear Loves!!!

PS… If you’d like a hand to hold for a season of transformation, here are 3 ways to be transformed in the next 13 weeks. Which one sounds more like you?1. Spend a season of intentionally structured time with me. Drop whatever’s standing in the way of the life you want and claim the joy and fulfillment that’s been waiting for you all along. 

2. Come with me to Haramara January 26-February 2. Because my retreat sold out in October (YIPPEE!), I’ve been given another casita and a dorm space if I want them. Is a Mexican deep dive into awakening the long-denied pleasures of body and soul calling, Sister?

3. AND if your desire is for more, I have one spot available in 2019 for a year’s pleasure exploration with me. Private. In-person, on line, (or both). Uniquely curated. My life’s worth of learnings, just for you. Hmmmm. Imagine!

If you’re not sure which one is you, click here to book a 15 minute convo with me.

What’s waiting for you in this darkness?

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It’s almost the solstice… the darkest time of the year.

Over the thousands of years before electricity made us forget what darkness gave, most folks weren’t going to twinkling holiday parties in mid-December.

Instead it’s likely they used this darkening time to rest, to take stock.
How was the harvest this year?
What grew well, and what should I do differently next spring year?

So many years later,
no matter how modern and productive we may be,
the season’s darkness is here
to do its work in us.

All those lights make it easy to avoid though.
I’m so busy, busy, busy during the holidays.
Not you, too, Kristin!?

The bah humbugs are bound to take over.
And all these flickering lights and ho ho ho’s just make it more intense.

Years ago I called my brand of late autumn struggle seasonal affective disorder.
And it’s true that sunshine helps.

But I’m discovering that there’s clarity waiting in the dark.

What if we haven’t evolved so far as we think.
What if, like our ancestors,
what we need most right now is time to take the year in?

To look back.
To be quiet.
To listen to our inner knowing.
To decide what needs to shift
so we’re ready for Spring and what wants to bloom.

Since the solstice is this Friday, here’s the question I’m asking now…
Where do I want to be 13 weeks from now?
How do I want to feel when Spring arrives this March?

Lately I’ve begun to ponder and plan my work and life over the 13 weeks of each season.
Instead of the pressure of a New Year’s resolution,
Before each equinox and solstice
I give myself the following powerful inquiry.

I create space for these precious few weeks of dark time to feed me.
Maybe I’ll find a few moments as the morning’s late sun begins to rise,
or I’ll make space just as it’s beginning to go dark outside.

I bring my journal,
light a candle,
And just sit, gazing out the window for a bit.

Then I ask into the darkness…

What change wants to come?
What’s begun that I want to feed?
What needs to drop away so I can live my joy?
What do I most want my life to feel like on the Spring equinox in March?

I wait. . . until the answers find me.

This is the time to make yourself the priority you need to be in order to move with purpose and joy into what’s really your deepest desire for the new year.

What if you gave yourself the gift of quiet darkness over the next few weeks?

Or, if you’d like, I can help.

If you’ve been doubting your light, Dear One,
I want to hold a candle to help light your way.
It’s not my candle though. It’s yours.
Together let’s reignite what’s always been within you.

Asking for help

We’ve all been taught that feeling good is at it’s best frivolous —
and at it’s worst, narsistic and selfish, right?

Because you care so much about so many.
And truthfully, you really do enjoy helping others.

But secretly, if you’re like most women, you feel exhausted, isolated (even though you have friends and family), and you’re worried you’re losing your spark.

Here’s the funny thing:

If you needed help with you taxes, you’d hire an accountant.

If your car is broken down, of course you bring it to a mechanic.

But if your relationships or heart are suffering, you’re supposed to suddenly become a master coach and know how to fix it all yourself?
Ha, it’s laughable when you think about it.

So here’s the good news:
If you are secretly feeling hopeless in love and/or meaning in your life, it’s not your fault.
You weren’t taught how to heal these on your own.

But I am.

That’s why one of my clients calls me the Dating Doula.
When we first started working together she was terrified to get back in the game.
She thought it was about knowing how to please someone else.
She just had it backwards!
Once she worked the tools to come back to her own innate joy, she’s been loving her life. 

It’s so funny, how we know to invest in our home, and our business, and our family.
But we somehow think investing in ourselves is different?

Sure you’ve invested in yourself before,
like manicures and lunch with a friend,
but that doesn’t really change much, huh?

Even a great therapist might not have the tools to help you reclaim your vibrance!

It’s just not enough.

And here’s why:
There’s a reset that has to happen, and it starts with the way you think.

Because if you want to experience something different, you have to think about it differently.

And if you’ve never invested in yourself in a meaningful way, that might be the place to start.

You’re worth it,

PS – If you can relate to wanting to live better, but you don’t want to mess up what is already working, book a private session with me for FREE here.

Making Self-Love the Real Deal on Valentine’s Day

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Hey There.

Happy Valentine’s Day. I’m wearing red. Maybe you are, too. Maybe you’re thinking about flowers and chocolate and other things to celebrate this day.

Whether you’re partnered or not, I thought I’d share with you what happened last night in my world. For 7 years my friend Pooja Karina and I have offered a pre-Valentine’s event for local women called “Adoring the Beloved of Yourself.”

It’s so easy to assume that Valentine’s day is for people who have partners. That’s the obvious conclusion. But what I know is that what’s most important thing about this day is LOVE. Celebrating this holiday that someone put on the calendar in February is really an opportunity to celebrate self-love.

So last night, with 20 women sitting in a circle we talked about what it is to enjoy and really live in the pleasures that are here in the moment… instead of denying ourselves, overworking, and then vegging-out into all sorts of things that are just not that reverent to ourselves.

Looking ahead, these women each made a commitment for the next 40 days. Just as Lent is a set period of time for letting go of pleasures, this is a time for prioritizing the pleasures that help us to enjoy every moment… not the pleasures that we have to buy, but those here, now.

Women decided to commit to enjoying the bird song every morning, now that the birds are returning. Others chose to promise to touch their bodies first thing in the morning before they get out of bed, appreciating how well it works and how beautiful it feels.

There are so many ways to prioritize the beauty and pleasure of life instead of suffering, instead of slogging through and then not really giving yourself what you need.

So I invite you to do this, too… to make a commitment to yourself for the next period of time. Would you devote yourself to one practice that honors in the beauty and reverence for your body and senses enjoying present moment pleasure.

You can write your commitment below and share it with us. My promise is to put on the calendar a 5-minute break to dance every day, just to enjoy music. I love to dance. And I get busy and just don’t do it.

Let me know below what pleasure you’ll promise yourself this Valentine’s Day.

Enjoy.

15 Seconds of Pleasure

I don’t remember an autumn like this one. Every week, some new assault. History-making hurricanes, fires, and political revelations feel like the new normal. I feel the trauma that so many have suffered…and yet, there’s no time to collect myself. Life has never felt more full. You, too?

This fall, even our beautiful New England maples never turned their usual red. What is going on?

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Seems like a sign… so like every other animal right now, I know I’d better prepare for what’s to come.

Squirrels lay up a cache of acorns so they don’t starve. But when I’m so busy handling the day-to-day craziness, it’s easy to put off my own inner preparation, and just hope for the best.

But this year, I can tell already that I can’t afford my usual naive optimism. So I’m feathering my winter nest with warmth in every way possible.

But more than the usual self-care, it’s soul-care I know I need.

When I allow myself reverent care for my real needs I feel resilient and alive… and then almost magically, I’m most able to handle whatever comes my way.

Because I’ve never needed them more, I’ve come up with 3 essential — and amazingly simple — soul-caring shifts to help me thrive this winter.

Over the next few weeks I’ll be sharing these and more through email and as mini-reminder videos on FB. Here’s the first… and stay tuned for more to come.

1. Take a 15 second Beauty Break
When my day is extra full, it can feel like I can’t spare the time for even a shower, much less a hike up my favorite trail or a long hot bath. But I know I can spare 15 seconds!

So as often as I remember, I just stop and notice what’s around me. Simple!!

There may not be red on the hillsides this year, but the blaze of yellow out my window is the gift in this moment that can take me out of my too-long to-do list and help me gain perspective. It’s also a real kind of joy that seems to almost magically shift my day.

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This winter I’ll be making it a point to really enjoy what’s there! What my senses can taste, touch, smell, feel, and smell turns out to be the very best tool to ease my perpetually overworked mind and bring joy to an otherwise exhausting day.

And here’s a little trick. I even put stickers up on my kitchen cabinets and bathroom mirror. They simply say, “STOP AND ENJOY.” It’s the conscious shift from struggle to joy that I know will make the real difference this winter. So I’d better build in the habit now.

Give this a try, right now. Look around. Spend 15 seconds — 3 slow breaths — really taking in whatever pleases you in this moment. Then take a minute to let us know how you feel afterward in the comments below.  What 15 second slice of joy did you allow yourself to enjoy today — and how are you changed?

Is it time to say goodbye to struggle?

Screen Shot 2017-08-25 at 11.59.33 AMLike those great sandals you’ve loved all summer…
Or the childhood friend who doesn’t quite fit anymore…
Or even the meditation practice that’s taken you deeper than you would have imagined not that long ago…
Sometimes it’s time to say goodbye.

Sometimes a conscious leave taking is appropriate.
It clears the decks for what’s been wanting to come in, but has no space.

In July I said goodbye to an old way of being. I knew it was time. But I needed a kick in the pants. I said yes to a week away with a brilliant shaman, Rose Khalsa, and gave myself the gift of a vision quest.

I already had a vision for my life. What I was questing for was a clearer view.

And that’s what happened as I lay on my sheepskin for three days, doing very little, looking up through the branches of beech and maple to clouds floating past in a perfect azure sky. Reviewing my life. And opening to Wisdom.

The message that came to me again and again, the one I often just can’t hear through the distracting noise of my constant busy-ness was this:

Relax, Dear One. Drop the struggle. You don’t need to try so hard. Receive the nourishment that’s poured out for you. Everything you need is here, and more.

WHAT?!! ”But I have so much to do! If I don’t do it for myself, who’s going to give me what I need? Where am I going to find the time to do something else?”

But it was my body that registered the first message as wisdom. I couldn’t ignore it. There was this deeper layer of what I’ve been teaching and preaching for ages. The essence of the feminine IS to receive.

We just don’t know how anymore.

(My Dears, don’t be fooled. The feminine has very little to do with what we think of as femininity, at least in our culture. I wasn’t wearing frilly dresses and high heals out there in the woods.)

You see, every day we live primarily in our masculine energy. Doing. Achieving. Being productive. Getting to the goal, only to drop into bed, exhausted. Even on our days off, we have our lists. On vacations we pack the days. Then we numb out so we don’t feel how deeply discontented we are. It’s clear this isn’t working. We just don’t know another way.

But there IS another way. And it involves learning how to receive again.Maybe just for three breaths. From the sun. From the morning’s chill. From this moment’s pleasure, often found right here in our bodies. When we listen.

This is the message that’s been pouring itself into my book since July. Along with the practices to help us all remember… Remember how to live in the joy of our feminine. And still make life work.

Saying goodbye to struggle starts when you decide to balance the effort you expend with one moment’s pleasure. Maybe right now?

On this one in-breath, receive the scent of your coffee, the crunch of buttered toast, tonight’s luminous almost-full moon. Please, Dear Woman, don’t put off taking in all the joy you’re starving for until everything else is done.

Don’t deprive yourself by trying to push through. When you feel depleted, just stop for 10 seconds! Look, listen, taste.

If this sounds too simple, well… it is! Receiving is what we’ve been waiting for. It’s totally natural to us.

The hard part is saying goodbye to the old habit of pushing it all away. We know that path so well. It’s often in the struggle that we feel worthwhile.

That’s why we need reminding. And why I offer my work. Message me if you’d like a helping hand.

In whatever way suits you, join this revolution. Take back the pleasure you were meant to know and live. It’s just one decision, right now.

Why I’m celebrating menopause this Independence Day

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Some mornings are hard.
No… some mornings are just plain terrible!
There’s no other way to put it.
And since my hormones started to change 10 years ago, it’s gotten a lot worse.

But there are saving graces to the rollercoaster that is menopause.
And discoveries that have made this time of my life
the most powerful and free.
These are what I want every menopausal woman to celebrate this Independence Day.
Here’s my story —

Too many mornings, before I even open my eyes
I’m assaulted by the what-I-didn’t-dos,
The should-have-saids,
Or the oh, SH*T, I-forgots.
Yesterday’s slip-ups are bad enough,
But by now, I have years of could-have-beens.

Add to that the might-bes, the what-ifs
and — starting a new business in my 50’s –
the I-CAN’T-figure-this-outs!, and the I-just-don’t-know-hows!

The worst part is that every one of these thoughts sounds like the Truth,
subtle murmurings of some oracle from Delphi.

It’s easy to get lost in it all,
Pull the sheets up over my head and try to ignore the crazies.
Or get lost in my phone to silence the ranting.

These morning terrors, as I call them, don’t make the list of the usual shifts during menopause.
But anxiety and depression are common to many women as their hormones change.

Without the heavy doses of estrogen to mitigate our minds’ obsessive tendencies, those first thoughts in the morning, or any other time, can easily turn toward fear and regret.

But miraculously,
most mornings my terrors let up if I just put my feet on the floor.
Then I can make sense of the diatribe
and get on with my day.

It’s taken me years of struggle to recognize what the mind does, unchecked.
And how to sort the helpful from just plain fiction.

But that can be tough when I’m sleep deprived and alarmed by frequent memory lapses.
Then it’s easy to fall victim to the fear…
“I just can’t keep it all together like I used to!”

And, Dear Women, there’s some truth to that.

But here’s why I think the insights gained in menopause have the potential to make this time the most powerful of my life, and perhaps yours, too:

  • Because I can’t abuse my body anymore and expect to shake it off, I’ve learned to listen inside and attend to myself in a way I never had before. Now that’s self-care.
  • Since I can’t count on my mind to pull up the name of someone I met at a party two years ago I have to be honest and say so. That’s something I wouldn’t dare have done at 30.
  • With anxiety greeting me many mornings, I’ve developed a series of first-thing-in-the-morning grounding practices in Nature, bringing me back to myself and truth every time.
  • Because I’d never manage to keep my busy life straight without it, I give up trying to do it all myself and have perfected a few systems to keep me straight. I could have used these tricks years ago.
  • Because my imperfections are getting pretty clear to me (and everyone else) I’ve had lots of opportunities to practice being more honest than ever with the world instead of hiding behind my shiny veneer of perfection. The pressure is off — and I can relax and have fun.
  • And, with less estrogen pulling for connection with everybody else, I don’t care as much about what people think of me. I’m content being me! Saying what I think! And getting out there to bring my gifts to the world, even if I mess up along the way. Now that’s a biggie!

​So, it’s your turn… What did I miss? How have you turned a menopause challenge into deep self-care? What wisdom have you gleaned from these changes? PLEASE share, Dear Sisters.

I believe menopause is meant to be a joyous maturing into ourselves. And in a culture that idolizes youth, we need all the reminders we can get – and give to one another. So share your hacks and let’s SING OUR PRAISES! ​

2 NO-FAIL steps to turn down the drama

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​Today will inevitably bring me some drama.

There’s a stoplight on my way to town that seems to hold forever when I’m in a hurry.
“This always happens to me. Someone should fix that stupid light!”
Or “Dammit. I did it again! Will I ever learn to give myself enough time?”

Lately I’ve noticed the stories I dream up,
either furious with the world or turning the knife on myself.
Crazy how the mind creates all this drama,
habitually choosing blame and anger to manage the yucky feelings inside.

Here’s what’s helped.

Just noticing is the first step out of the craziness.
Letting go of whether I think it’s good or bad.
Just noticing.
Hmmmm… Interesting.Then a clearer head can actually choose what’s next.
Maybe one deep, slow breath can work just as well as swearing to release all that tension that gets bottled up inside.I need my mind to make a kinder choose —
maybe to instruct my shoulders to release.
Then I’m OK.

Mind and body working together. Noticing and choosing.

As with any spiritual practice the work
is to notice the thoughts and choose to come back to the present moment.
Again and again.
And what’s more in the present moment than the body?
Every moment. Here you are.

This moment is neutral.
It’s my thoughts that make it positive or negative, dramatic or not.
My choice. Yours, too.

3 Macho Habits of Successful Women that Sap their Feminine Juice

In my work with women over the past decade, three fallacies stand out as the prime killers of women’s turn-on. And they all have to do with time.So think about your life now.
What causes you stress around time?1. Rushing
Because we think there’s not enough of it,
or that we always need to do more to move up the ladder,
or just because there’s just too damn much to cram into every day,
we rush.

We run to the car or bus (and not just to burn a few extra calories).
We leave too little time between appointments, and then speed in a frenzy to get there.

This adrenaline driven life isn’t what allows for our feminine flow.
Then we resort to coffee and chocolate get us through the day when energy inevitably drops.
By dinnertime, there’s really nothing left for anyone, least of all, ourselves..

So today, experiment with not rushing.
Give yourself more spaciousness…
…permission to live like a queen instead of a slave to your life.

2. Multi-tasking

Multi-tasking is natural to the feminine. In pre-historic times,
women needed the capacity to nurse the baby, tend the fire, and keep an eye out for the cougar that lived just over the hill.
That ability to do so many things at once
Is what makes us so good at life.But we’ve taken this too far.
We’re driven to pile more and more on ourselves, not wanting to waste a second!
Talking to a friend on the phone… but also eating lunch… and scanning FB … and… and…Watch how uncomfortable you may feel to just eat when you eat.
How tempted you are to pick up a magazine or book.
To do so many things instead of being fully present in this moment, in your senses.

Make eating an experience of pleasure,
Enjoying the tastes, textures and color of your food.
instead of allowing your pleasure to be diluted by distractions.

3. Over-giving 
Because we are women, our estrogen encourages us to connect.
We are constantly looking out for the benefit and wellbeing of those around us.
That natural tendency makes life beautiful.
It’s what provides the glue and joy for friendships and family.

It’s who we are. We value our connections to others.
We give.
But too often women find their identity in giving to others.
Constantly scanning for what else is needed.
Concerned most with everyone else’s welfare…
before we even consider what we might actually need.

Or maybe you give yourself the mani/pedis, the spa treatments.
But really… do these really address your deepest needs?
I know, I love the pampering, too. It’s fun and feels good.

But I watch how easy it is to do those things and not really listen to what I most need.
For silence.
For time in nature.
For stillness.
For resting.

Those deeper needs we may not even notice in a day that’s so full,
when we’ve been pushing so hard, rushing so much, multi-tasking all the time.
By the evening, when we’ve taken care of every one else’s needs, we collapse.
There’s no chance to actually find real pleasure.
We’re deaf to our bodies’ calls.

So what can we do?
Here’s my suggestion….

All through the day, there are opportunities to stop…
Just for two breaths or 10 seconds.
To notice the beauty around you.
To notice the silhouette of a bare tree trunk against the winter sky.
To notice the quality of light,
The beauty of life around you.

This is where pleasure happens.
And what can bring feminine balance to a crazy, full-on, hyper-masculine life.
Then the rest of life has the possibility to be full of a moment-to-moment pleasure we are starved for.

When we give ourselves these moments to stop.
To actually feel and sense what is happening right now.
To find the pleasure that’s actually there…
Then we have a richer experience of our lives.
We are more in our feminine.
We can enjoy life more.
And we have much more, in the end, to give to others.

Brilliant women… please let me know in the comment section below how you manage these pesky habits. How are you restraining the urge to RUSH? What are your go to tactics for getting your MULTI-TASKING to serve your feminine? And… how are you bringing moments of attention and JOY into your day to day lives? I can’t wait to being this conversation.